“Personal Relationship” - Where Does The Bible Say That? (November 23, 2003)

I received the following question; below is my response.

My brother-in-law asked me, "Where in the Bible does it say, 'A personal relationship with God'?" The preachers on Moody radio and other Christians often say this. My brother-in-law feels it is bold, arrogant and silly. I feel the same. But I feel you can have a personal way that you worship, rely on God and follow him. God does not greet me in the morning or tuck me in at night. I am not as strong on this as my brother-in-law but I do understand his feelings and anger.

God bless you both!

There are two phrases in today's evangelical jargon that I wish I could drop-kick into oblivion. One is "unconditional love" and the other is "a personal relationship with Jesus Christ." I'll save my diatribe against "unconditional love" for another Pastor's Page. (See “Unconditional Love” Is Unbiblical Nonsense - June 11, 2006).

Your brother-in-law's question makes the excellent point that the words "a personal relationship with God" (or Jesus) are not found in the Bible. That right there should give us pause about including them in our religious vocabulary. It is possible, of course, for a non-biblical word or phrase to express a biblical truth - like "trinity." But when you go outside the Bible for religious phrasing then you must be prepared to defend it consciously and constantly - as we do with "trinity." For the most part, though, it is best to stay on the safe and sturdy ground of the Bible's own words. Carelessly wielded phrases hide inaccurate thoughts and lead to inaccurate beliefs.

I have become increasingly concerned about presentations of the gospel that nudge aside biblical verbs like "believe," "love," "worship," and "obey" and replace them with the bland and vague "have a personal relationship with." Like your brother-in-law, I ask, "Where does the Bible say that?" and "What in the world does it mean?" The Bible's gospel message is consistent and clear. We must "repent and be baptized." (Acts 2:38). We must "believe on the Lord Jesus Christ" (Acts 16:31). If we "confess with [our] mouth 'Jesus is Lord' and believe in [our] hearts that God raised him from the dead, [we] will be saved." (Romans 10:9) I don't see anything there about "having a personal relationship" with him. I have, however, heard calls to receive Christ where nothing at all is said about repenting of sins, or believing in the resurrection, or declaring one's faith through baptism - just simply, "Are you ready to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?"

Bad effects result from emphasizing "personal relationship" to the exclusion of concrete things like belief and obedience. Sometimes what happens is that dear saints are frightened into believing that they were never saved in the first place. I don't know how many testimonies I have heard - even from pastors and missionaries! - that speak of years spent attending or ministering in churches even though they were "unsaved." I always want to ask, "What do you mean that you were unsaved? Were you secretly an unbeliever? Did you not believe that Jesus was the Messiah? Did you deny that God raised him from the dead? Did you sin with a reckless, unrepentant abandon that gave the lie to your profession of faith?" If the answers to these questions were yes, then I would agree with their self-diagnosis that they had been unsaved. But the testimonies I have heard are never like that. The people had always been believers, but they just lacked some experience whereby they could say that now they had a "personal relationship" with Jesus. Under close inspection, their accounts of dramatic conversion turn out to be implicit denials of the gospel message that those who believe in Jesus are saved! It is no longer faith in Christ that saves, but the experience of sensing a "personal relationship" with him. This is not scriptural.

When a "personal relationship" is elevated to saving status, and people aren't sure whether they've got such a relationship, the temptation is to conjure one up. Sometimes I fear this is exactly what well-meaning believers do. They carry on a dialogue with themselves and label one of the voices "God." By putting words into God’s mouth they may provide themselves with the illusion of a relationship with him, but in reality it brings them no closer to him.

What brings us closer to God is obedience and faith. Obedience to what is right and faith in what is true. Worry about those things - “seek first his kingdom and righteousness” - and a "relationship" of sorts with God will develop of its own. But it will be under God’s direction and sovereignty, and not because we have willed it into existence. It will be only distantly similar to the kinds of relationships we know and enjoy with one another. Remember that he is God and we are his creatures. We are not on equal footing with him. We ought to remain amazed and astounded that he should stoop to welcome us into his family, and discreet and humble about daring to speak of our "personal relationship" with him.