Friday, August 27, 2010

August 31, 2010: Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream

As I walked through the wilderness of this world, I lighted on a certain place where was a den [that had a radio in it], and laid me down in that place to sleep [while listening to WMBI]; and as I slept, I dreamed a dream.

In my dream, I saw Jesus talking to a rich young man. I seemed to understand that I was viewing the scene recorded in Mark 10:17-27, except that a few things seemed different.

First, instead of the rich man approaching Jesus, it was Jesus who approached him. The rich man never asked, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" Instead, Jesus asked him, "Is there anything I can do to persuade you to have a personal relationship with me?"

"I'll need some assurances first," the man replied.

"I'm your servant," Jesus said. "Please tell me your concerns. I'll listen, and I'll try to do whatever I can to make this work."

"Ok. I'd like to know this: Are there a lot of do's and don'ts in your religion? Rules and regulations that I have to follow?"

"Rules!" Jesus cried. "Do's and Don'ts! Listen, young man: this is about relationship, not rules. The Pharisees are all about rules. The elder brother in my Prodigal Son story is all about rules. Oh those silly rule-keepers! I can't stand it when people think they can please me by obeying a bunch of rules. Why, just the other day I told my disciples, 'If you break all my rules, you will remain in my love' [John 15:10]. Thankfully my disciple John understood this right way - he was taking notes and I saw him write down, 'This is love for God: that we not trouble ourselves with obeying a bunch of rules' [1 John 5:3]. Ask the crowds who have heard me preach, and they can tell you how consistent I have been on this point. I boldly told them recently that my true mother and brothers are those who hear the Word of God and realize that they don't have to 'do' or 'perform' it in order to be part of my family. [Luke 8:21]. I'm about grace, not performance."

In my dream I saw the man turn to a friend, and I heard him whisper, "I like Jesus' religion! All other religions of the world are concerned about what I DO. They insist that I follow a set of rules in order to be in right relationship with Ultimate Reality and enjoy Its favor. What a relief to know that rules and regulations are not an issue here! Please remind me in case I forget: In Jesus' religion, there's no rule against sleeping with my kids' babysitter, or neglecting my parents, or taking bribes, or defrauding my clients, or oppressing races I don't like, or slandering all the innocent people who get in the way of my ambition."

Then the man turned back to Jesus and said, "Tell me this. Do I have to sacrifice anything?"

Jesus sighed. I perceived he was frustrated that the man still wasn't getting it. "Look," Jesus said. "Sacrificing yourself is a work. You're not saved by works. You're saved by grace. Stop trying to earn my favor! It really is all about rules and performance with you, isn't it? I mean, here you go again, thinking you could 'please' me or 'earn my favor' with your 'performance' of 'obeying the rule' of 'sacrificing yourself' to follow me. All the other religions of the world are about that kind of thing. They require sacrifice and self-denial; I don't. If any man would come after me, he must lay down his cross and stop thinking that he has to do all these burdensome things to please me" [Luke 9:23].

"Are my riches a problem?" the man asked.

"A problem? A problem??? Oh heavens no. It's easier for a rich man to get into heaven than it is for a camel to spit in the sand. I could take you to quite a few of my assemblies that are full of people with nice homes and expensive cars who don't even tithe! I'm so glad they understand that my love is unconditional - it has nothing to do with their generosity or lack thereof [2 Corinthians 9:7]. Just the other day my disciple Peter marveled, 'Lord, we have left nothing to follow you!' [Mark 10:28], and of course I just grinned at him. (Oh, and I should mention in passing that since this is your first time visiting me, I don't expect you to give anything. Just let the collection bucket pass. It's policy. I don't want you to feel threatened or pressured.)

"No, friend," Jesus continued. "Your money is no obstacle at all. Quite the opposite in fact. I find that having people like you around helps us be more attractive to the kind of people we want to draw in. And I may as well tell you now - an unwritten requirement for lay leadership in my community is financial success of the sort for which you obviously have a knack."

My dream began to fade. But just before it was fully gone, I thought I saw the man's face break into a broad smile. He seemed to place his hand on Jesus' shoulder. And as my eyes began to flutter open, I nevertheless distinctly heard him say, "Jesus, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

August 24, 2010: Plan B

I honor people whose dreams get crushed, whose plans lie in ruins, whose life's work comes to nothing - and who still find some way to move forward. They are my heroes. If you are one of these people, God bless you. I will be looking to you, drawing inspiration from you, meditating on your virtue and doing my sorry best to imitate your ways. Thank you for being my example. Please take comfort in knowing that you are one of God's means - perhaps his primary means, certainly his most poignant means - of taking me through this season of bewildered melancholy. You have almost certainly inspired others too, but you may not have known it.

I will explain why I love you so much. A couple days ago I accepted a job offer with Sears to sell mattresses on commission. I start training tonight. It is good to have a job, and it's an abomination for an able-bodied man like me not to work. Ever since I got laid off from the pastorate a year ago (and have had only temporary jobs since), the Bible verses that most come to mind are not pleasant ones like "'I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11), but rather stern ones like "If a man will not work, neither let him eat" (2 Thessalonians 3:10), and "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for the members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8). The money I expect to earn from Sears won't be enough to provide for my "relatives and household members" - but at least I'll be contributing something toward my upkeep. Hooray job.

I am thankful to God for this work, and have told him so. But I confess that my gratitude does not keep me from feeling like my heart has been ripped out and now lies on the floor in a pulpy mess. You see, all this time I thought that I had a sacred calling. I first sensed - or thought I sensed - that God was calling me to a pulpit ministry when I was about 16 years old. For the sake of that call I went to Wheaton College and majored in Bible. God's call to preach - or again, what I thought was God's call to preach - was the reason why, on returning from missionary service, I went to Trinity and got an MDiv. I studied Greek and Hebrew and read Calvin and Edwards not so that I could equip myself to sell mattresses but so that I could honor God by proclaiming his Word in the pulpit to which he summoned me.

Oh well. Thirty years after first setting my face toward ministry I find myself surveying the wreckage of a broken dream. The leaders of the tribal group that I worked with in Colombia insisted that I not translate the Bible. My first wife left me. Deacons in both churches that I pastored abruptly informed me that my services were no longer wanted. And now I can find no prospects at all for paid work in the only thing I know how to do.

It seems to me that when a man reaches middle age, it is reasonable to expect, in this culture, that he be working in a career for which he has acquired a couple decades of experience and skill. He should own a home. He should have a pension or be saving money for retirement. He should have life and health insurance. He should be providing for his family and paying for his kids to go to college. Well, I have landed in middle age and have failed at every single thing on the list above. (Though I do have 300 dollars in a checking account.)

So now I have little choice but to go on to Plan B. Not a ministry, but a mattress; not a pulpit, but a bed frame; not a mission, but (hopefully) a commission. Part of me says, "Very well then - if this is the hand I am dealt, I will play it as well as I can and work hard to be the best mattress salesman Sears ever had. I will hawk bedding to the glory of God." Then another part of me answers, "Right. How spiritual of you. But just what makes you to think you will be any more successful at this than you have been at anything else?" Deep within I know that there is nothing in my understanding of God that precludes the possibility of cascading down a series of plans from C to D to E to F, each one less fulfilling and more humiliating than the previous. (Have you seen Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space? The first 8 plans didn't work.)

This is where I look to my heroes. Actually heroines, since the three that come to mind are all women. There's my mother, who, in her mid 50s, battled fragile health and the despair of sudden widowhood in order to find work and carry on both emotionally and financially. There's my sister Lois: pretty, bright, capable, funny - she kept a beautiful house and raised three kids until her crap scum of an adulterous husband dumped her the same year their son was murdered and her (and my) mother died. She picked up the pieces of a broken life and now, in her 50s, works harder than anybody I know in the back-breaking work of an elementary school janitor. And there's my wife Lisa. (My admiration of Lisa embarrasses her, I know, but I don't care - she is admirable, and I need to admire.) For five years after her husband died this widowed mother of three would not wear mascara because it ran every time she cried - and she cried all the time. But she pulled herself together and raised her kids and went to school and became a physical therapist assistant and blessed a thousand hearts and capped off all her kindnesses by loving a lonely single-dad pastor of a small church. (Yes, I'm part of her Plan B.)

Was anyone more deserving of having their Plan A work out than Jennie, Lois and Lisa? A life-long marriage to one good husband and relaxed retirement in sunset years - that's the way it was supposed to happen. But it didn't, and when it didn't, they all found ways to assemble a Plan B from scratch and carry it through with character and strength and good grace.

May God be merciful to me for all my whiny, auto-indulgent self-pity. If you would be so kind, please say a prayer that he will give me power to embrace Plan B with the grace and dignity of my heroines and betters. And say a prayer of thanks, too, for them and for all the Plan B role models you know who have bravely assembled workable realities from the shards and fragments of broken dreams.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

August 17, 2010: "Look at Me! I Did A Good Thing!"

Don't you hate it when you do a good deed and don't get any credit? Or sacrifice yourself and no one notices? Or engage in some holy act of discipline just when everybody is looking the other way? Me too.

This is a bad thing, of course. We should never notice that no one is noticing, nor should we make even the smallest effort to adjust somebody's spotlight of moral perception so that it shines on us. Jesus commanded that we do our good work quietly: "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them," he said (Matthew 6:1). When giving to the needy, don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing (verse 3). Pray privately, behind closed doors (verses 5-6). And when you fast, do it so stealthily that, as you walk about town, you try hard not even to look hungry! (verses 17-18).

Recently on the radio I heard about a Christian leader who had fasted for 40 days. That's a violation right there. Evidently this leader not only told people that he was fasting, but for how long! You can't do that, Reverend. I recall hearing similar stories about "how long our leaders have been fasting" at a Promise Keepers rally in February 1996, and it was one of several things that turned me off to that conference. Publicizing our piety is wrong. Put a lid on it. I'm sure it's annoying to endure days of holy hunger and get no inspirational mileage out of it - but that's the way it has to be.

Some years ago when I was a guest speaker at a church the pastor introduced me to a woman in his congregation who had read the Bible 33 times. 33 times! Great. But you see the problem, don't you? She was keeping track. I'm all for reading the Bible, but I'm all against counting the number of times you've done it. Let not your left hemisphere know how many times your right hemisphere has read the Word.

It is best to do good simply because it is good, because it pleases God, and take no notice of whether you are being noticed. Many of us have been inspired by stories of those who became Christians - or who grew in their Christian maturity - by observing the behavior of stand-out believers and deciding "I want to be like that." Those accounts (I know several) indeed warm the heart. But in our corruption we are apt to misuse them by thinking, "If I behave really well in front of so-and-so, he'll be awfully impressed with me, and he'll ask me my secret, and I can tell him 'Jesus!'"

Hmmm. Here are some problems with making deliberate goodness a strategy for evangelism and discipleship:

1) You'll be surprised how seldom it works. A friend told me that the times in his life when he was most righteous in his Christian walk, no one noticed, no one was curious, no one said "My, what a great change has come over you!" Frustrating isn't it - how can they not notice? But maybe instead of being chagrined over the lack of attention we should be thankful for the lack of persecution. Jesus behaved perfectly and got crucified; the disciples behaved pretty well and mostly got martyred.

2) You'll be tempted to turn goodness into a mercenary endeavor. A patriot fights because he loves his country; a mercenary fights to get paid. When a person starts practicing discipline and virtue in order to receive wages in the coin of evangelical influence, he is likely to lose heart when he observes that nobody is "seeing his good work and glorifying his Father in heaven." Soon he finds himself without motive for righteous behavior. Remember that goodness is not a means to an end. It is an end. Be good for goodness' sake.

3) Boy will you get a comeuppance when you engage in a duel of virtue with an unbeliever - and lose! That has happened to me. I have known some non-religious people who excel so magnificently in several areas of moral life that all I can say to you is "Good luck trying to out-behave them." They are unlikely to be impressed with your generosity, your hospitality, your self-discipline. But even if you aren't as good as they are in some things, the fact remains that if you believe in Jesus, you still have the truth they need to hear.

Just be as good as you can no matter who is looking. Or isn't looking. God is always looking, and that should be enough for us.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

August 10: 2010: The Passion Of The Christ Revisited

The disciples did not know which one of them would betray Jesus (Matthew 26:21-22). That is amazing, because it shows how well Judas blended in. If he had been the only disciple who couldn't heal or cast out demons, if he had always let someone else do the preaching, if he had disappeared during prayer meetings, or if he had got caught sneaking off to brothels, then when Jesus said, "One of you will betray me" the rest would have said, "Of course! We all know who that has to be." And Peter no doubt would have drawn his knife and tackled Judas and begged Jesus' permission to slit his throat.

Judas must have seemed like one of them, saying and doing most of the right things most of the time. There was only one warning sign that we know of. In John 12:6 we read that he used to steal from the money bag, and that he feigned a love for the poor so that he could skim contributions intended for them (Like many TV preachers today!). But I suspect most of the disciples didn't even know Judas was embezzling. Maybe only John saw him lift coins from the common purse (Matthew, Mark and Luke don't report it), and, being a young follower of Jesus - probably only in his teens or early 20s - John decided not to say anything at the time.

Judas came to mind as I contemplated the recent revelation of Mel Gibson. I mean "revelation" literally: the public revealing of the character of this devil in human form. The news concerning Gibson in the last few years - and especially the last few weeks - has shown us that it was an antichrist whose film about Jesus' crucifixion took over the ministry of many of our churches in the spring of 2004. We didn't know Gibson then. We do now.

The facts are these: Mel Gibson is a greedy, self-indulgent, foul-mouthed drunk. He is a fornicator and an adulterer. He is racist and anti-Semitic. He is a man of threats and violence who spews hatred in all directions. Have you listened to the tapes of his foul tirades against the whore for whom he dumped his wife? No? Good. Don't. They might educate, but they cannot edify your soul. When a child of hell gives voice to rage, the children of light should stop up their ears.

I think now it is possible to see The Passion Of The Christ in its true light. Gibson never loved Jesus Christ. He loved violence, and for him the holiest moment in history was simply an excuse to exhibit the torture porn for which he is celebrated. The other films Gibson directed, Braveheart and Apocalypto, are similarly riddled with bloody excess. Concerning Braveheart, one reviewer wrote, "The action sequences are gory and the final scene is not for the squeamish as Gibson directed the camera to hold for a rapturous moment of disembowelment." As for Apocalypto, a reviewer asked, "Does Gibson need to repeatedly show us lopped-off heads bouncing like coconuts down the towering stairs of a pyramid to prove that pre-Columbian Mayan society was a savage place?"

Charles Krauthammer made a good point about The Passion Of The Christ when he wrote in March of 2004, "Three of the Gospels have but a one-line reference to Jesus' scourging. The fourth has no reference at all. In Gibson's movie this becomes 10 minutes of the most unremitting sadism in the history of film. Why 10? Why not five? Why not two? Why not zero, as in Luke? Gibson chose 10."

Gibson chose 10 because he got a pathological thrill out of the graphic depiction of torture. Now it is true that Jesus suffered terribly, and it is also true that that suffering is meaningful to us Christians. "By his stripes we are healed." But does that mean we must have his cinematic blood splattered in our faces? Because it is likewise meaningful that Jesus is fully human and fully divine. So, to appreciate his humanity, do we need to watch explicit cinematic close-ups of him going to the bathroom? The virgin birth is important too: should we watch a filmed dramatization of baby Jesus' crowning head breaking Mary's hymen as she gives him birth?

My tone is angry - I know. I am angry. I get ticked off when wolves dupe lambs. Back in 2004 my congregation went to see The Passion, and I did not go with them. That got me a rebuke from one of my parishioners. I half-apologetically wrote a Pastor's Page explaining my objections to Hollywood treatments of Jesus, but I wish now in retrospect I had stated my case much more strongly, and advised my congregation not to go.

The Church universal is not wholly to blame for being so badly snookered by Gibson the Psychopath. Sometimes it is just very hard to tell who is for real. Again, Judas fooled everyone but Christ. In Acts 16, it apparently even took Paul several days before he realized that the girl who followed him around telling everybody that he was a God's servant proclaiming salvation was actually just a demon-possessed subversive.

Still, I would like to see a lot more spiritual discernment in the Church in North America. We demonstrate a disturbing knack for getting swayed by celebrity, spectacle, entertainment and extravaganza. We've proven ourselves capable of throwing spiritual caution (and spiritual reasoning) to the winds for the sake of a compelling flick.

Some time ago I was in a church men's group meeting that featured clips from another Gibson vehicle, The Patriot. These clips showed battlefield decapitations, bullets to the head, hatchets to the neck, knives to the chest - again and again and again and again, leaving a huge and gruesome body count. Even children participated in the violence onscreen. I left the church in sadness, wondering, "With the stunning lack of spiritual discernment here, am I in the right place?"

Friday, August 6, 2010

August 6, 2010: Loved

My allusion last week to something my mother said 25 years ago prompted an old friend to email me and say that he had just mentioned Mrs. Lundquist to a young acquaintance. "I told Brytanie that your Mom, by all physical appearances, seemed to just be a simple woman — until she opened her mouth and spoke."

Doug got that right. Mom certainly had a knack for showing that she was not vain about her physical appearance. As she aged she looked more like Susan Boyle than Beth Moore. Even in kindergarten her teacher assumed that she was mentally retarded. And many decades later, when visiting a nursing home to help with a chapel service, she noted with amusement how kind souls would take the hymnal from her hands and turn the pages because they assumed she couldn't do it herself.

But when she spoke she was worth listening too, and when she hauled out her Smith-Corona she typed insights worth preserving. My brother just sent me an old essay she wrote when I was six and scared of penicillin shots. It is reprinted below. I love the way Mom could see the hand of God in ordinary events, and call to mind Scriptures that related to them. I also marvel at the simplicity and elegance of her pitch-perfect prose.

Are Not Tears In Thy Book?

Tucking his blankets more snugly about him, I hugged our little Paul, gave him a good night kiss, and waited to hear his latest confidence.

"You know, Mom," he said, "I found out that my days go in zigzags. Today was a rough day." He sighed and then concluded hopefully, "So maybe tomorrow will be a gentle day."

A "gentle" day. I smiled at the lovely thought before I sighed with him. I knew something about tomorrow that I was glad he didn't know. There was at least one rough spot in the coming day for our six year old son - a visit to the doctor's office for another penicillin shot. Paul would probably try to persuade me that he really didn't need that shot. He would wonder aloud if he couldn't get well without going through all that again. There would almost certainly be tears before he would quietly submit to the inevitable.

Some words that the Psalmist used about his own tears came to me. On one troubled day, David struggled with misgivings and fears concerning his future, and he prayed: "Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?" (Ps. 56:8).

How this flash of insight must have given David fresh hope! The ring of triumph marks the rest of the Psalm. God had numbered and recorded his wanderings, his "zigzags," his rough and gentle days. And his tears? He assumed that they too were measured, even treasured, and recorded.

Because I love Paul, I would spare him unnecessary tears by not telling him about tomorrow's appointment sooner than he needed to know. And because He loves him, He wouldn't let Paul shed one more tear than was needful for his ultimate good.

I thanked Him that evening for the loving mercy that sends us gentle days, and even counts the tears for the rough ones.