Hiatus
By God's grace I have two jobs now (one full-time days, the other evenings and occasional weekends) that I expect to keep me very busy through the end of December. So - with some reluctance and regret - I plan to take a break from writing Pastor's Pages until about January 1st. Please check back in January 2011 when, Lord willing, I'll have the time (and energy!) to write some more stuff.
All good things to all of you,
Paul
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
October 19, 2010: How To Start A Sermon
No pastors that I know of read my blog, but I've decided not to let that stop me from offering a piece of homiletic counsel just in case one of them happens to see this page.
Start your sermons with the word "In" followed by a reference to the Scripture text that has just been read. For example,
"In verse 17 Jesus tells his disciples..."
"In verse 4 St. Paul brings up the topic of..."
"In verse 9 we are told that the wicked..."
"In verse 11 the writer of Hebrews says..."
When these are the very first words out of your mouth after the Scripture reading, they demonstrate a seriousness of purpose to your congregation. They force people to pay attention from the outset, because they send an immediate message that you are not going to waste their time with chatter, meandering introduction, or inane banter. (Some parishioners may be shocked - pleasantly so - that you are getting to your point so quickly.) And such words also help discipline your own thoughts, because they leave you no choice but to focus on the text.
And please, never EVER start a sermon with
"Didn't the worship team do a great job? I tell you, my heart was really blessed..."
"I'm so glad to be with you here in Chicago in February. In San Diego, where I'm from, we never have to scrape ice off the..."
"Shh! I'm a secret agent..." [The literal first line of a sermon I heard years ago.]
"For the last few weeks, we've been talking about..."
"I have a bit of a cold this morning..."
"On my way to church today..."
"A priest, a rabbi and a pastor were on the golf course one morning..."
"This is my first sermon and I'm really nervous..."
"My name is Paul and I'm..." [Who cares who you are?]
When I was in seminary, we were taught to start our sermons with an attention-grabbing introduction. That's all wrong.
Start with the text.
No pastors that I know of read my blog, but I've decided not to let that stop me from offering a piece of homiletic counsel just in case one of them happens to see this page.
Start your sermons with the word "In" followed by a reference to the Scripture text that has just been read. For example,
"In verse 17 Jesus tells his disciples..."
"In verse 4 St. Paul brings up the topic of..."
"In verse 9 we are told that the wicked..."
"In verse 11 the writer of Hebrews says..."
When these are the very first words out of your mouth after the Scripture reading, they demonstrate a seriousness of purpose to your congregation. They force people to pay attention from the outset, because they send an immediate message that you are not going to waste their time with chatter, meandering introduction, or inane banter. (Some parishioners may be shocked - pleasantly so - that you are getting to your point so quickly.) And such words also help discipline your own thoughts, because they leave you no choice but to focus on the text.
And please, never EVER start a sermon with
"Didn't the worship team do a great job? I tell you, my heart was really blessed..."
"I'm so glad to be with you here in Chicago in February. In San Diego, where I'm from, we never have to scrape ice off the..."
"Shh! I'm a secret agent..." [The literal first line of a sermon I heard years ago.]
"For the last few weeks, we've been talking about..."
"I have a bit of a cold this morning..."
"On my way to church today..."
"A priest, a rabbi and a pastor were on the golf course one morning..."
"This is my first sermon and I'm really nervous..."
"My name is Paul and I'm..." [Who cares who you are?]
When I was in seminary, we were taught to start our sermons with an attention-grabbing introduction. That's all wrong.
Start with the text.
Monday, October 11, 2010
October 12, 2010: Ancient Wisdom For Bipolars
In 1373 Lady Julian of Norwich experienced a series of mystical impressions which she wrote about in Revelations of Divine Love. I think her "Seventh Shewing" indicates that she suffered from a bi-polar affliction:
And after this, he put a most high inward happiness in my soul. I was filled full of endless certainty and it was sustained so strongly that it left no room for doubts and fears. This feeling was so happy and so holy and put me in such peace and rest that there was nothing on earth that had the power to make me sad. This lasted only a while, and then my mood was changed and I was left on my own in sadness and weariness of life. I loathed myself so much that I could hardly bear to live. There was nothing to comfort me or give me any ease except for faith, hope and love. And although I knew them to be true, they gave me little joy.
And soon after this, our blessed Lord gave me again that comfort and rest of soul so blissful and mighty in its sureness and delight that no fear, no sorrow and no bodily pain that I might suffer could have taken away my peace. And then the sadness once more overcame my mind, and then the joy and gladness, and now the one, and now the other - I suppose about twenty times.
And in the time of joy I might have said with St. Paul: "Nothing shall separate me from the love of Christ." And in sadness I might have said with St. Peter: "Lord, save me, for I perish."
Twenty mood swings! Poor woman - give her some depakote. Clearly she had a chemical imbalance. A little alteration in the molecules of her synapses might have leveled the mental/spiritual roller coaster and set her on a steady emotional plane.
But there were no mood-stabilizing drugs in 1373, and afflicted persons simply had to make do with the alternating morose and ecstatic brains that God gave them. I suppose that trying to reason well while suffering from bipolar disorder might have been like trying to drive a car whose engine races then stalls. It can be done - but you need God's grace and Solomon's wisdom and Job's patience. Thankfully, the blessed Lady of Norwich had all three. She concluded:
The vision was shown me, as I understood it, because it is necessary to some souls to feel this way - sometimes to know comfort, and sometimes to fail and be left on their own. God wants us to know that he keeps us safe through good and ill.
For his soul's sake a man is sometimes left on his own, but his sin is not always the cause. For during this time I did not sin, so why should I have been forsaken, and so suddenly? Also, I did nothing to deserve this feeling of bliss.
But our Lord freely gives what it is his will to give, and sometimes lets us suffer woe - and both are part of one love. For bliss is lasting and pain is passing and shall come to nothing for those that shall be saved.
And therefore it is not God's will that we should linger over pain, but that we should pass quickly through it to joy without end.
I believe Lady Julian was right. I love her words "it is necessary" (in the original, "speedful") for some souls to feel alternating comfort and desolation. They remind me of Jesus' "it is proper" when John asked him why in the world he wanted to get baptized (Matthew 3:15). It was just the way it had to be. God's best purposes could not be fulfilled otherwise. Some people must suffer emotional woe - not so that they might live in that state permanently, or deliberately milk sympathy from others, or develop perverse pleasure in their own melancholy - but so that (among other things) they might pass through that sorrow to even greater joy in the presence of God.
There is also a place for the frenzied activity of the elated manic. Josh MacDowell wrote his influential bestseller "More Than A Carpenter" in a single sitting in 48 hours. That's something no balanced midpolar person could ever do. And certain elements of St. Paul's life sometimes suggest to me a manic-depressive who never went depressive.
Do not misunderstand me. I am not against mood-flattening drugs for those who need them. In some cases they are as necessary to sustain life as insulin is for a diabetic. I am just saying that there is a place in the will and providence of God for both despairing sorrow and lively exaltation. A friend of mine, who was medicated for a while, said, wisely, "I think I'd rather feel sad than feel nothing." C. S. Lewis would have agreed. In The Pilgrim's Regress, an angel explains to Pilgrim John that the unfulfilled longings of those who fall short of God's glory are not exactly a punishment, because "any liberal man would choose the pain of this desire, even for ever, rather than the peace of feeling it no longer: and that though the best thing is to have, the next best is to want, and the worst of all is not to want." John replies, "I see that. Even the wanting, though it is a pain too, is more precious than anything else we experience."
God bless all you bipolars, who don't quite have the brain that you want. Keep trusting Jesus Christ, and someday you will see fulfilled the lovely words of assurance given to Julian of Norwich: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."
In 1373 Lady Julian of Norwich experienced a series of mystical impressions which she wrote about in Revelations of Divine Love. I think her "Seventh Shewing" indicates that she suffered from a bi-polar affliction:
And after this, he put a most high inward happiness in my soul. I was filled full of endless certainty and it was sustained so strongly that it left no room for doubts and fears. This feeling was so happy and so holy and put me in such peace and rest that there was nothing on earth that had the power to make me sad. This lasted only a while, and then my mood was changed and I was left on my own in sadness and weariness of life. I loathed myself so much that I could hardly bear to live. There was nothing to comfort me or give me any ease except for faith, hope and love. And although I knew them to be true, they gave me little joy.
And soon after this, our blessed Lord gave me again that comfort and rest of soul so blissful and mighty in its sureness and delight that no fear, no sorrow and no bodily pain that I might suffer could have taken away my peace. And then the sadness once more overcame my mind, and then the joy and gladness, and now the one, and now the other - I suppose about twenty times.
And in the time of joy I might have said with St. Paul: "Nothing shall separate me from the love of Christ." And in sadness I might have said with St. Peter: "Lord, save me, for I perish."
Twenty mood swings! Poor woman - give her some depakote. Clearly she had a chemical imbalance. A little alteration in the molecules of her synapses might have leveled the mental/spiritual roller coaster and set her on a steady emotional plane.
But there were no mood-stabilizing drugs in 1373, and afflicted persons simply had to make do with the alternating morose and ecstatic brains that God gave them. I suppose that trying to reason well while suffering from bipolar disorder might have been like trying to drive a car whose engine races then stalls. It can be done - but you need God's grace and Solomon's wisdom and Job's patience. Thankfully, the blessed Lady of Norwich had all three. She concluded:
The vision was shown me, as I understood it, because it is necessary to some souls to feel this way - sometimes to know comfort, and sometimes to fail and be left on their own. God wants us to know that he keeps us safe through good and ill.
For his soul's sake a man is sometimes left on his own, but his sin is not always the cause. For during this time I did not sin, so why should I have been forsaken, and so suddenly? Also, I did nothing to deserve this feeling of bliss.
But our Lord freely gives what it is his will to give, and sometimes lets us suffer woe - and both are part of one love. For bliss is lasting and pain is passing and shall come to nothing for those that shall be saved.
And therefore it is not God's will that we should linger over pain, but that we should pass quickly through it to joy without end.
I believe Lady Julian was right. I love her words "it is necessary" (in the original, "speedful") for some souls to feel alternating comfort and desolation. They remind me of Jesus' "it is proper" when John asked him why in the world he wanted to get baptized (Matthew 3:15). It was just the way it had to be. God's best purposes could not be fulfilled otherwise. Some people must suffer emotional woe - not so that they might live in that state permanently, or deliberately milk sympathy from others, or develop perverse pleasure in their own melancholy - but so that (among other things) they might pass through that sorrow to even greater joy in the presence of God.
There is also a place for the frenzied activity of the elated manic. Josh MacDowell wrote his influential bestseller "More Than A Carpenter" in a single sitting in 48 hours. That's something no balanced midpolar person could ever do. And certain elements of St. Paul's life sometimes suggest to me a manic-depressive who never went depressive.
Do not misunderstand me. I am not against mood-flattening drugs for those who need them. In some cases they are as necessary to sustain life as insulin is for a diabetic. I am just saying that there is a place in the will and providence of God for both despairing sorrow and lively exaltation. A friend of mine, who was medicated for a while, said, wisely, "I think I'd rather feel sad than feel nothing." C. S. Lewis would have agreed. In The Pilgrim's Regress, an angel explains to Pilgrim John that the unfulfilled longings of those who fall short of God's glory are not exactly a punishment, because "any liberal man would choose the pain of this desire, even for ever, rather than the peace of feeling it no longer: and that though the best thing is to have, the next best is to want, and the worst of all is not to want." John replies, "I see that. Even the wanting, though it is a pain too, is more precious than anything else we experience."
God bless all you bipolars, who don't quite have the brain that you want. Keep trusting Jesus Christ, and someday you will see fulfilled the lovely words of assurance given to Julian of Norwich: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
October 5, 2010: A Small Comfort
Can I offer a small word of encouragement to you who lament that some part of your life is unfulfilling?
It is a small encouragement, I admit, not earth-shaking - but at least I think it is helping me this morning. It is simply this: your disappointments and sorrows may keep you from saying things that come across as arrogant, clueless, or unsympathetic.
Last night, for minimum wage, I paced the mattress department alone at Sears for four hours. No customer came. The shift did not begin well - my poor wife called to say she had locked her keys in the car in Cicero (I've done that at least four times myself - once with the car running!),and I was unable to go help her.
She got a service to jimmy the lock for $35 and arrived home late, and tired. We texted back and forth. I said my good news was that I hadn't experienced any challenges at Sears that I couldn't handle. She asked if that meant it was dead, and I said yes, but I was trying to put a positive spin on it. She wondered if working in mattresses at Sears could be an act of worship, and I said, "Yes, a very languid-paced, Puritan-style worship."
The single mom who trained me at Sears struggles to pay her last month's rent. Her wages are garnished, and her old shoes are falling off her feet. She worries about leaving her 8-year-old son to a babysitter who is recovering from heroin addiction. She also worries about the hours her son spends in the car with her drunk ex-husband on weekends.
That's all background. This morning I listened to a sermon by Mark Driscoll, and it was pretty good. But he sure made me wince when he mentioned that he owned 40 pairs of shoes, which, he said, were a lot fewer than his wife owned. (The odd thing is, he didn't say it in a spirit of self-condemnation, like, "What's the matter with me? I'm turning into Imelda Marcos!" - but was simply explaining that he had to spend a lot to make himself look good for his wife.) He spoke contemptuously of cheap wine: he will only drink the more expensive stuff. And he gets his hair cut every 2 weeks. (This last point made me think about how I stretch meager resources by spacing long intervals between haircuts. As I hand a coupon to a stylist at a national chain, I say, "Please cut my long hair very short so I don't have to come back here for 6 months.")
When poor people listen to Driscoll, do they say in their hearts, "Oh, blow it out your ear, you indulgent rich punk"? I don't know. I do know that a struggling single mom who owns one pair of bad shoes is unlikely to be much inspired by a man who commends himself for owning 40.
That is why I say that your current sorrows and lamentable experiences, whatever they are, may perform the good service of keeping you from saying stupid things, unintentionally hurtful things. When I was 24 I said aloud, in a mixed a group of missionaries and missionary-trainees, that I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life in North America. A wise older missionary simply asked me if I had ever actually lived overseas, and I said no. Later, when I arrived home after four and a half years in the (mostly hot and unpleasant) Third World, I was so grateful to be back in the wonderful U S of A that I felt like kissing the ground. Boy was I an arrogant jerk at 24. I just didn't know what life was like.
You are sick, perhaps? You have a bad spouse? Your house is facing foreclosure? Your children are no good? Salvage this small (I said it was small!) comfort: God has put a lock on your tongue that renders you incapable of uttering clueless inanities that only pour out of the mouths of people who haven't suffered much. He has equipped you with sympathies that you, being human, could learn no other way. Maybe someday you will use what you have learned to comfort the afflicted. In the meantime, at least you'll be kept from saying the kinds of things that make them wince.
Can I offer a small word of encouragement to you who lament that some part of your life is unfulfilling?
It is a small encouragement, I admit, not earth-shaking - but at least I think it is helping me this morning. It is simply this: your disappointments and sorrows may keep you from saying things that come across as arrogant, clueless, or unsympathetic.
Last night, for minimum wage, I paced the mattress department alone at Sears for four hours. No customer came. The shift did not begin well - my poor wife called to say she had locked her keys in the car in Cicero (I've done that at least four times myself - once with the car running!),and I was unable to go help her.
She got a service to jimmy the lock for $35 and arrived home late, and tired. We texted back and forth. I said my good news was that I hadn't experienced any challenges at Sears that I couldn't handle. She asked if that meant it was dead, and I said yes, but I was trying to put a positive spin on it. She wondered if working in mattresses at Sears could be an act of worship, and I said, "Yes, a very languid-paced, Puritan-style worship."
The single mom who trained me at Sears struggles to pay her last month's rent. Her wages are garnished, and her old shoes are falling off her feet. She worries about leaving her 8-year-old son to a babysitter who is recovering from heroin addiction. She also worries about the hours her son spends in the car with her drunk ex-husband on weekends.
That's all background. This morning I listened to a sermon by Mark Driscoll, and it was pretty good. But he sure made me wince when he mentioned that he owned 40 pairs of shoes, which, he said, were a lot fewer than his wife owned. (The odd thing is, he didn't say it in a spirit of self-condemnation, like, "What's the matter with me? I'm turning into Imelda Marcos!" - but was simply explaining that he had to spend a lot to make himself look good for his wife.) He spoke contemptuously of cheap wine: he will only drink the more expensive stuff. And he gets his hair cut every 2 weeks. (This last point made me think about how I stretch meager resources by spacing long intervals between haircuts. As I hand a coupon to a stylist at a national chain, I say, "Please cut my long hair very short so I don't have to come back here for 6 months.")
When poor people listen to Driscoll, do they say in their hearts, "Oh, blow it out your ear, you indulgent rich punk"? I don't know. I do know that a struggling single mom who owns one pair of bad shoes is unlikely to be much inspired by a man who commends himself for owning 40.
That is why I say that your current sorrows and lamentable experiences, whatever they are, may perform the good service of keeping you from saying stupid things, unintentionally hurtful things. When I was 24 I said aloud, in a mixed a group of missionaries and missionary-trainees, that I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life in North America. A wise older missionary simply asked me if I had ever actually lived overseas, and I said no. Later, when I arrived home after four and a half years in the (mostly hot and unpleasant) Third World, I was so grateful to be back in the wonderful U S of A that I felt like kissing the ground. Boy was I an arrogant jerk at 24. I just didn't know what life was like.
You are sick, perhaps? You have a bad spouse? Your house is facing foreclosure? Your children are no good? Salvage this small (I said it was small!) comfort: God has put a lock on your tongue that renders you incapable of uttering clueless inanities that only pour out of the mouths of people who haven't suffered much. He has equipped you with sympathies that you, being human, could learn no other way. Maybe someday you will use what you have learned to comfort the afflicted. In the meantime, at least you'll be kept from saying the kinds of things that make them wince.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
September 28, 2010: Remembering Your Sin
My lovely wife asked me how I would respond to the following post from "Paige" in the True Woman blog:
What's wrong when I've confessed my sin(s) to God and asked for forgiveness over and over but still have that nagging feeling that I still need to ask for forgiveness? I have prayed and prayed about this situation and I just can't seem to get past it. Sure, I am active in my church, I read my Bible daily, and I try to make the most of every day and give God the glory. Is this Satan attacking me or is this the Holy Spirit telling me I need to do more?
It's all so confusing to me. It was the worst thing I have ever done in my life and it happened 2 years ago. I just can't seem to "feel" like I have been forgiven. How do I allow this confessed sin to get out of my heart and mind. I am truly sorry for what I did and have completely distanced myself from the one I fell into sin with. What more can I do besides pray about it.
I want a clean slate with God. I want to "feel" like I have been forgiven so I can get completely past what I did.
My response:
God bless you for feeling guilt! Jesus said, "Blessed are they that mourn" (Matthew 5:4), not, "Blessed are they that feel good about themselves." The wretched sinners of Romans 1:18-32 don't feel bad at all about their behavior, past or present - but that is because they have been handed over to it. Saints, however, feel perpetually bad about their sin and perpetually good about Christ. Thus it was and ever will be.
You say that you want to "get completely past" what you did. Don't. Don't ever get past what you did. I mean, yes, get past it in the sense that you don't go back to committing it, but don't get past it in the sense that it ceases to be a horror for you. If you do, you will be tempted to forget how merciful God was to you, how kind he was to an undeserving wretch. If you forget your sin, you will be proud. If you forget your sin, you will give God less glory.
St. Paul never got past his sins. Read 1 Timothy 1:12-17, and see how his vivid recollection of former wickedness (30 years earlier!) caused him to celebrate God's goodness and glory in the present:
12. I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. 13. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. 17. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.
The biblical way to think is, "I'm a terrible sinner. Glory to God for his willingness to stoop so low to me."
I'm afraid that a completely opposite mindset is recommended in some Christian circles. For example, in Battlefield Of The Mind, servant of mammon Joyce Meyer writes,
Don't think about how terrible you were before you came to Christ. Instead, think about how you have been made the righteousness of God in Him. Remember: thoughts turn into actions. If you ever want to behave any better, you have to change your thinking first. Keep thinking about how terrible you are, and you will only act worse. Every time a negative, condemning thought comes into your mind, remind yourself that God loves you, that you have been made the righteousness of God in Christ.
There is one statement in Meyer's Bible-hating counsel above that I agree with: thoughts do indeed turn into actions. But the thoughts she recommends are completely wrong! Her counsel "Keep thinking about how terrible you are, and you will only act worse" is ridiculous. St. Paul thought he was the worst of sinners - but he became more and more perfected in the image of Christ. The tax collector in Luke 18:13-14 thought he was so terrible he didn't deserve to go to church - but he went home justified. The thief on the cross next to Jesus in Luke 23:39-43 thought he deserved execution by torture - but he went to be with the Lord.
Jesus himself commanded us to contemplate our badness. Luke 17:10: "So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'" If we are unworthy servants when we have done our duty, how much more despicable are we when we have disobeyed!
Paige, I'd advise you to let go of your goal of feeling forgiven, and just focus on the goal of doing right and pleasing Christ. It is possible you will keep feeling guilty and awful for a long time. It is also possible you will find yourself saying, "God, I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry!" much longer than you expected. That is not necessarily a bad thing. After David sinned with Bathsheba, he prayed, "Let me hear joy and gladness," and "Restore to me the joy of your salvation" (Psalm 51:8,12) - but maybe the Lord had a good reason for letting him stew in his remorse for a while. A long while.
Paige, did you know that the world's most guilty conscience produced the world's greatest hymn? I keep in my files a quote from Professor Mark McMinn about the ex slave-trading murderer John Newton: "As Newton's eyes opened more fully with each passing year, he became horrified at his sin. One of his friends later recalled that he never spent 30 minutes with Newton without hearing the former captain's remorse for trading slaves. It was always on his mind, nagging his conscience while reminding him of his utter dependence on God's forgiving grace."
Newton of course was the sinner who wrote,
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see.
My lovely wife asked me how I would respond to the following post from "Paige" in the True Woman blog:
What's wrong when I've confessed my sin(s) to God and asked for forgiveness over and over but still have that nagging feeling that I still need to ask for forgiveness? I have prayed and prayed about this situation and I just can't seem to get past it. Sure, I am active in my church, I read my Bible daily, and I try to make the most of every day and give God the glory. Is this Satan attacking me or is this the Holy Spirit telling me I need to do more?
It's all so confusing to me. It was the worst thing I have ever done in my life and it happened 2 years ago. I just can't seem to "feel" like I have been forgiven. How do I allow this confessed sin to get out of my heart and mind. I am truly sorry for what I did and have completely distanced myself from the one I fell into sin with. What more can I do besides pray about it.
I want a clean slate with God. I want to "feel" like I have been forgiven so I can get completely past what I did.
My response:
God bless you for feeling guilt! Jesus said, "Blessed are they that mourn" (Matthew 5:4), not, "Blessed are they that feel good about themselves." The wretched sinners of Romans 1:18-32 don't feel bad at all about their behavior, past or present - but that is because they have been handed over to it. Saints, however, feel perpetually bad about their sin and perpetually good about Christ. Thus it was and ever will be.
You say that you want to "get completely past" what you did. Don't. Don't ever get past what you did. I mean, yes, get past it in the sense that you don't go back to committing it, but don't get past it in the sense that it ceases to be a horror for you. If you do, you will be tempted to forget how merciful God was to you, how kind he was to an undeserving wretch. If you forget your sin, you will be proud. If you forget your sin, you will give God less glory.
St. Paul never got past his sins. Read 1 Timothy 1:12-17, and see how his vivid recollection of former wickedness (30 years earlier!) caused him to celebrate God's goodness and glory in the present:
12. I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. 13. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. 17. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.
The biblical way to think is, "I'm a terrible sinner. Glory to God for his willingness to stoop so low to me."
I'm afraid that a completely opposite mindset is recommended in some Christian circles. For example, in Battlefield Of The Mind, servant of mammon Joyce Meyer writes,
Don't think about how terrible you were before you came to Christ. Instead, think about how you have been made the righteousness of God in Him. Remember: thoughts turn into actions. If you ever want to behave any better, you have to change your thinking first. Keep thinking about how terrible you are, and you will only act worse. Every time a negative, condemning thought comes into your mind, remind yourself that God loves you, that you have been made the righteousness of God in Christ.
There is one statement in Meyer's Bible-hating counsel above that I agree with: thoughts do indeed turn into actions. But the thoughts she recommends are completely wrong! Her counsel "Keep thinking about how terrible you are, and you will only act worse" is ridiculous. St. Paul thought he was the worst of sinners - but he became more and more perfected in the image of Christ. The tax collector in Luke 18:13-14 thought he was so terrible he didn't deserve to go to church - but he went home justified. The thief on the cross next to Jesus in Luke 23:39-43 thought he deserved execution by torture - but he went to be with the Lord.
Jesus himself commanded us to contemplate our badness. Luke 17:10: "So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'" If we are unworthy servants when we have done our duty, how much more despicable are we when we have disobeyed!
Paige, I'd advise you to let go of your goal of feeling forgiven, and just focus on the goal of doing right and pleasing Christ. It is possible you will keep feeling guilty and awful for a long time. It is also possible you will find yourself saying, "God, I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry!" much longer than you expected. That is not necessarily a bad thing. After David sinned with Bathsheba, he prayed, "Let me hear joy and gladness," and "Restore to me the joy of your salvation" (Psalm 51:8,12) - but maybe the Lord had a good reason for letting him stew in his remorse for a while. A long while.
Paige, did you know that the world's most guilty conscience produced the world's greatest hymn? I keep in my files a quote from Professor Mark McMinn about the ex slave-trading murderer John Newton: "As Newton's eyes opened more fully with each passing year, he became horrified at his sin. One of his friends later recalled that he never spent 30 minutes with Newton without hearing the former captain's remorse for trading slaves. It was always on his mind, nagging his conscience while reminding him of his utter dependence on God's forgiving grace."
Newton of course was the sinner who wrote,
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
September 17, 2010: Perseverance Of The Christian And The Analogy Of Marriage
Continuing the question from last week:
Your analogy of marriage seemed to me to indicate that we should not expect Christ to remain married to us if we are unfaithful to him, and yet aren't we often unfaithful to him when other things become more important to us than God?
No. I would not normally use the word "unfaithful" to describe the kind of lapses I think you are referring to.
If we say that a man has been unfaithful to his wife, we don't mean that he spent too much money on golf clubs, or that he has said something a little insensitive, or that he was watching football when he should have been leading family devotions. We mean something more serious - we mean he has been cheating, he has been sleeping with someone else. Similarly, when we say that a man is a faithful husband, we don't mean that he is perfect - who is? - but just that he is loyal and true.
That is the way the Bible itself (with few exceptions) uses the words that we translate "faithful" or "unfaithful." Faithfulness in the Bible does not imply sinless perfection, but loyalty. Here is a short list of men - all sinners! - whom the Bible calls faithful to God.
Abraham. "You found his heart [Abraham's] faithful to you, and you made a covenant with him to give to his descendants the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Jebusites and Girgashites. You have kept your promise because you are righteous." (Nehemiah 9:8)
Moses. "But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house." (Numbers 12:7; see Hebrews 3:2,5)
Samuel. "I will raise up for myself a faithful priest [Samuel], who will do according to what is in my heart and mind." (1 Samuel 2:35)
David. "Solomon answered, 'You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart.'" (1 Kings 3:6)
Hezekiah. "This is what Hezekiah did throughout Judah, doing what was good and right and faithful before the Lord his God." (2 Chronicles 31:20)
So the Bible regularly calls people "faithful" even though they're not perfect.
Unfaithfulness in Scripture is usually a matter of having a "sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God." (Hebrews 3:12). The writer of Hebrews assigns such unfaithfulness not to godly-but-imperfect men like Abraham, Moses, Samuel, David and Hezekiah, but to Israelite rebels and idolators who defied God. In the verses just before Hebrews 3:12 the writer says (quoting God), "That is why I was angry with that generation, and I said, 'Their hearts are always going astray, and they have not known my ways.' So I declared on oath in my anger, 'They shall never enter my rest.'" Just as bad Israelites did not enter God's rest, so people with "sinful unbelieving hearts" (elsewhere these people are called "the wicked") will not enter God's kingdom. The Bible affirms this many times. I believe that these are the people to whom it would be best to apply the word "unfaithful". Below are four descriptions of them and their destiny:
1 Corinthians 6:9-10: Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Galatians 5:19-21: The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Ephesians 5:5-6: For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient.
Revelation 21:8: But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.
The person who wrote to me asking "aren't we often unfaithful to [God]?" is certainly not a greedy lying adulterous drunk, so she has nothing to fear from these passages. But truly rebellious sinners should read them and fear. As the Psalmist says to God, "Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you."(Psalm 73:27).
Now, would Christ "divorce" someone who is unfaithful to him in the sense outlined above?
Interestingly enough, divorce is in fact one of the symbols God uses to illustrate what he does to unfaithful people. See Jeremiah 3:8: "I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries." See also Isaiah 50:1: "This is what the Lord says: 'Where is your mother's certificate of divorce with which I sent her away? Or to which of my creditors did I sell you? Because of your sins you were sold; because of your transgressions your mother was sent away.'"
I think that "divorce" is actually an appropriate, stunning, robust, and most important, biblical image to keep in mind concerning what the Lord does to those who are unfaithful to him. Persevering saints, of course, don't have to worry about that. 2 Timothy 2:12 says "If we endure, we will also reign with him" - not "be divorced by him." And Colossians 1:22-23 says, "But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation — if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel." As I like to say, the "if" in those verses must be permitted to stand as written and not twisted by bad theology into "whether or not". We must endure. We must continue in our faith. We must be faithful. Faithfulness is not an option, but a biblical condition for blessedness in the presence of God. Someday Jesus will say to those who persevered, "Well done, good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:21).
A final thought:
If a man proves unfaithful and God "divorces" him, does that mean that God himself has been unfaithful?
NO! No no no! A thousand times no! The Bible emphasizes that our sin never causes God to sin. For example, if we lie, even if every man on earth is a liar, God is still true. See Romans 3:4: "Let God be true, and every man a liar." If we are unjust toward God, he is never unjust toward us. And regarding faithfulness, "If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself" (2 Timothy 2:13). That is, even if we are sneaky and underhanded and treat God like dirt, he cannot do the same to us. It is not in his nature. (Some interpret 2 Timothy 2:13 instead to mean that God will save apostates - but that interpretation is flatly contradicted by the verse before it: "If we disown him, he will also disown us." Apostates get disowned.)
Here is one way to look at it. Imagine a married man who sleeps around but defends himself by saying: "She cheated on me first! I'm only doing to her what she did to me!" I think we can say that though he is not as bad as a man who cheats on a faithful wife, he's still an adulterer. He is doing something that God would never do: letting another's unfaithfulness goad him into unfaithfulness.
Now imagine another man who has slept with only one woman in his entire life - his wife. (Let's go further and say that he has never kissed or held hands with anyone else either.) But his wife withdraws from him, treats him contemptuously, secretly joins a lesbian group and begins a series of relationships with other women. She leaves him and files for divorce against his will. Despite her behavior he remains faithful to her, refuses to cheat on her, tells her that she can stop the divorce proceedings, return to him, and he will surely take her back.
If she insists on renouncing him even then, the divorce will go through and the relationship will be broken irretrievably. But she has been the unfaithful one, not he. If we are ever similarly "divorced" from God, it will be all our doing, not his. We will not be sent away because of the sins that grieve us and for which we seek pardon, but for the kind of willful rebellion that wants nothing to do with God.
Continuing the question from last week:
Your analogy of marriage seemed to me to indicate that we should not expect Christ to remain married to us if we are unfaithful to him, and yet aren't we often unfaithful to him when other things become more important to us than God?
No. I would not normally use the word "unfaithful" to describe the kind of lapses I think you are referring to.
If we say that a man has been unfaithful to his wife, we don't mean that he spent too much money on golf clubs, or that he has said something a little insensitive, or that he was watching football when he should have been leading family devotions. We mean something more serious - we mean he has been cheating, he has been sleeping with someone else. Similarly, when we say that a man is a faithful husband, we don't mean that he is perfect - who is? - but just that he is loyal and true.
That is the way the Bible itself (with few exceptions) uses the words that we translate "faithful" or "unfaithful." Faithfulness in the Bible does not imply sinless perfection, but loyalty. Here is a short list of men - all sinners! - whom the Bible calls faithful to God.
Abraham. "You found his heart [Abraham's] faithful to you, and you made a covenant with him to give to his descendants the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Jebusites and Girgashites. You have kept your promise because you are righteous." (Nehemiah 9:8)
Moses. "But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house." (Numbers 12:7; see Hebrews 3:2,5)
Samuel. "I will raise up for myself a faithful priest [Samuel], who will do according to what is in my heart and mind." (1 Samuel 2:35)
David. "Solomon answered, 'You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart.'" (1 Kings 3:6)
Hezekiah. "This is what Hezekiah did throughout Judah, doing what was good and right and faithful before the Lord his God." (2 Chronicles 31:20)
So the Bible regularly calls people "faithful" even though they're not perfect.
Unfaithfulness in Scripture is usually a matter of having a "sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God." (Hebrews 3:12). The writer of Hebrews assigns such unfaithfulness not to godly-but-imperfect men like Abraham, Moses, Samuel, David and Hezekiah, but to Israelite rebels and idolators who defied God. In the verses just before Hebrews 3:12 the writer says (quoting God), "That is why I was angry with that generation, and I said, 'Their hearts are always going astray, and they have not known my ways.' So I declared on oath in my anger, 'They shall never enter my rest.'" Just as bad Israelites did not enter God's rest, so people with "sinful unbelieving hearts" (elsewhere these people are called "the wicked") will not enter God's kingdom. The Bible affirms this many times. I believe that these are the people to whom it would be best to apply the word "unfaithful". Below are four descriptions of them and their destiny:
1 Corinthians 6:9-10: Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Galatians 5:19-21: The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Ephesians 5:5-6: For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient.
Revelation 21:8: But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.
The person who wrote to me asking "aren't we often unfaithful to [God]?" is certainly not a greedy lying adulterous drunk, so she has nothing to fear from these passages. But truly rebellious sinners should read them and fear. As the Psalmist says to God, "Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you."(Psalm 73:27).
Now, would Christ "divorce" someone who is unfaithful to him in the sense outlined above?
Interestingly enough, divorce is in fact one of the symbols God uses to illustrate what he does to unfaithful people. See Jeremiah 3:8: "I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries." See also Isaiah 50:1: "This is what the Lord says: 'Where is your mother's certificate of divorce with which I sent her away? Or to which of my creditors did I sell you? Because of your sins you were sold; because of your transgressions your mother was sent away.'"
I think that "divorce" is actually an appropriate, stunning, robust, and most important, biblical image to keep in mind concerning what the Lord does to those who are unfaithful to him. Persevering saints, of course, don't have to worry about that. 2 Timothy 2:12 says "If we endure, we will also reign with him" - not "be divorced by him." And Colossians 1:22-23 says, "But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation — if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel." As I like to say, the "if" in those verses must be permitted to stand as written and not twisted by bad theology into "whether or not". We must endure. We must continue in our faith. We must be faithful. Faithfulness is not an option, but a biblical condition for blessedness in the presence of God. Someday Jesus will say to those who persevered, "Well done, good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:21).
A final thought:
If a man proves unfaithful and God "divorces" him, does that mean that God himself has been unfaithful?
NO! No no no! A thousand times no! The Bible emphasizes that our sin never causes God to sin. For example, if we lie, even if every man on earth is a liar, God is still true. See Romans 3:4: "Let God be true, and every man a liar." If we are unjust toward God, he is never unjust toward us. And regarding faithfulness, "If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself" (2 Timothy 2:13). That is, even if we are sneaky and underhanded and treat God like dirt, he cannot do the same to us. It is not in his nature. (Some interpret 2 Timothy 2:13 instead to mean that God will save apostates - but that interpretation is flatly contradicted by the verse before it: "If we disown him, he will also disown us." Apostates get disowned.)
Here is one way to look at it. Imagine a married man who sleeps around but defends himself by saying: "She cheated on me first! I'm only doing to her what she did to me!" I think we can say that though he is not as bad as a man who cheats on a faithful wife, he's still an adulterer. He is doing something that God would never do: letting another's unfaithfulness goad him into unfaithfulness.
Now imagine another man who has slept with only one woman in his entire life - his wife. (Let's go further and say that he has never kissed or held hands with anyone else either.) But his wife withdraws from him, treats him contemptuously, secretly joins a lesbian group and begins a series of relationships with other women. She leaves him and files for divorce against his will. Despite her behavior he remains faithful to her, refuses to cheat on her, tells her that she can stop the divorce proceedings, return to him, and he will surely take her back.
If she insists on renouncing him even then, the divorce will go through and the relationship will be broken irretrievably. But she has been the unfaithful one, not he. If we are ever similarly "divorced" from God, it will be all our doing, not his. We will not be sent away because of the sins that grieve us and for which we seek pardon, but for the kind of willful rebellion that wants nothing to do with God.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
September 14, 2010: Questions On Perseverance
I received the following response to last week's post:
Your post mentioned the parable of the sower and the seed that was sown on rocky soil and the seed on good soil. Can you address the seed that fell among the thorns which choked the plant? Are they saints clothed with Christ's righteousness? Have they persevered in their trust in Christ though they live in sin and perhaps have no outward evidence of fruit? Are they repentant, are they trying? Your analogy of marriage seemed to me to indicate that we should not expect Christ to remain married to us if we are unfaithful to him, and yet aren't we often unfaithful to him when other things become more important to us than God?
My answers to each question:
Can you address the seed that fell among thorns which choked the plant?
Jesus said, "The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature" (Luke 8:14). I believe this picture represents people who ultimately love sin more than they love Christ. In contrast with the seed that fell on rocky soil, they do not fall away from the faith because of external pressure - the heat of persecution - but because of internal pressure - the lure of corruption. Like Demas, who deserted Paul "because he loved this world" (2 Timothy 4:10), they choose to conform to the world and to their own desires rather than to Christ.
Are they saints clothed with Christ's righteousness?
No. They don't want to be clothed with his righteousness. They find it an ill-fitting garment and cast it off.
In the parable of the seeds Jesus is contrasting those who stay with him and those who don't. The sheep who hear his voice follow him and abide (remain, stay) with him. Those who don't remain with him are of several types. Some don't even get started in the first place - the seed on the path that fails to germinate and is eaten by birds. Others leave because of persecution. Others leave to follow a life of sin.
Jesus never said, "Whoever would come after me may revert to his sinful lifestyle." Instead, he demanded a self-denial so strong that he compared it to carrying a cross to your own execution (Luke 9:23). When he showed mercy to the woman caught in adultery he did not say, "You may now go back to your whoring," but "Leave your life of sin" (John 8:11). When he healed the lame man at Bethesda he did not say, "Even if you keep sinning, you'll still be ok," but rather "Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you" (John 5:14). When a rich man wanted to follow Jesus while hanging on to his greed, Jesus turned him away (Matthew 19:22).
Have they persevered in their trust in Christ though they live in sin and perhaps have no outward evidence of fruit?
No outward evidence of fruit? When Jesus came across a fruitless tree, he cursed it! (Matthew 21:19). That was supposed to be a warning.
When a person lives in sin and gives no outward evidence of fruit, he has in effect denied the faith. Paul confirms this in Titus 1:15-16 when he speaks of those who "claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him." I believe it is very common to deny God with one's actions. Paul gives an example of such behavior in 1 Timothy 5:8: a man who refuses to provide for his family "has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever." Such a man does not actually say "I reject Jesus Christ." He doesn't have to - his behavior does that for him. Words can lie; actions can't. That is why Jesus said, "By their fruit (not by their words) you shall know them" (Matthew 7:16).
Anyone who says "I know God, I've accepted Jesus," while his behavior proves he is "detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good" (Titus 1:16) is simply lying about his faith. Jesus insisted that those who merely call him "Lord" but don't do the will of God will not get into the kingdom of heaven: "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 7:21).
James concurs regarding the fate of those who "have no outward evidence of fruit." James 2:14: "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?" No. The answer to that rhetorical question is no. Faith without works is dead (James 2:17), and dead faith cannot save.
Are they repentant, are they trying?
Well, if they are repentant and trying, I believe that God will certainly show them grace. "A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise" (Psalm 51:17). No man is so good that he does not need to be in a constant state of bemoaning his sin and repenting of it. The good news is that "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).
I think it is important though to distinguish between those who are "repentant and trying" and those who are "unrepentant and not trying at all." In my own pastoral ministry, for example, I have been happy to extend words of grace to those who have fallen into sexual sin and who seek the Lord's pardon and restoration. But those who refuse God's transforming grace will not receive it. I have written to two unrepentant (and formerly Christian) adulterers who were both dumping faithful wives in order to pursue sin, "It is important for you to understand that you are going to hell. If you died tonight, you would hear from Jesus the awful words, 'Depart from me. I never knew you.'" (See Matthew 7:23). To this day these men remain impenitent, and I fear their time is running out. I do not say (and would never say) that they are without hope. I do say, however, that they are not now in a state of grace.
Your analogy of marriage seemed to me to indicate that we should not expect Christ to remain married to us if we are unfaithful to him, and yet aren't we often unfaithful to him when other things become more important to us than God?
It all depends on what you mean by "unfaithful." That is a big enough topic to require a separate Pastor's Page, and Lord willing I'll deal with that next week.
I received the following response to last week's post:
Your post mentioned the parable of the sower and the seed that was sown on rocky soil and the seed on good soil. Can you address the seed that fell among the thorns which choked the plant? Are they saints clothed with Christ's righteousness? Have they persevered in their trust in Christ though they live in sin and perhaps have no outward evidence of fruit? Are they repentant, are they trying? Your analogy of marriage seemed to me to indicate that we should not expect Christ to remain married to us if we are unfaithful to him, and yet aren't we often unfaithful to him when other things become more important to us than God?
My answers to each question:
Can you address the seed that fell among thorns which choked the plant?
Jesus said, "The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature" (Luke 8:14). I believe this picture represents people who ultimately love sin more than they love Christ. In contrast with the seed that fell on rocky soil, they do not fall away from the faith because of external pressure - the heat of persecution - but because of internal pressure - the lure of corruption. Like Demas, who deserted Paul "because he loved this world" (2 Timothy 4:10), they choose to conform to the world and to their own desires rather than to Christ.
Are they saints clothed with Christ's righteousness?
No. They don't want to be clothed with his righteousness. They find it an ill-fitting garment and cast it off.
In the parable of the seeds Jesus is contrasting those who stay with him and those who don't. The sheep who hear his voice follow him and abide (remain, stay) with him. Those who don't remain with him are of several types. Some don't even get started in the first place - the seed on the path that fails to germinate and is eaten by birds. Others leave because of persecution. Others leave to follow a life of sin.
Jesus never said, "Whoever would come after me may revert to his sinful lifestyle." Instead, he demanded a self-denial so strong that he compared it to carrying a cross to your own execution (Luke 9:23). When he showed mercy to the woman caught in adultery he did not say, "You may now go back to your whoring," but "Leave your life of sin" (John 8:11). When he healed the lame man at Bethesda he did not say, "Even if you keep sinning, you'll still be ok," but rather "Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you" (John 5:14). When a rich man wanted to follow Jesus while hanging on to his greed, Jesus turned him away (Matthew 19:22).
Have they persevered in their trust in Christ though they live in sin and perhaps have no outward evidence of fruit?
No outward evidence of fruit? When Jesus came across a fruitless tree, he cursed it! (Matthew 21:19). That was supposed to be a warning.
When a person lives in sin and gives no outward evidence of fruit, he has in effect denied the faith. Paul confirms this in Titus 1:15-16 when he speaks of those who "claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him." I believe it is very common to deny God with one's actions. Paul gives an example of such behavior in 1 Timothy 5:8: a man who refuses to provide for his family "has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever." Such a man does not actually say "I reject Jesus Christ." He doesn't have to - his behavior does that for him. Words can lie; actions can't. That is why Jesus said, "By their fruit (not by their words) you shall know them" (Matthew 7:16).
Anyone who says "I know God, I've accepted Jesus," while his behavior proves he is "detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good" (Titus 1:16) is simply lying about his faith. Jesus insisted that those who merely call him "Lord" but don't do the will of God will not get into the kingdom of heaven: "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 7:21).
James concurs regarding the fate of those who "have no outward evidence of fruit." James 2:14: "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?" No. The answer to that rhetorical question is no. Faith without works is dead (James 2:17), and dead faith cannot save.
Are they repentant, are they trying?
Well, if they are repentant and trying, I believe that God will certainly show them grace. "A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise" (Psalm 51:17). No man is so good that he does not need to be in a constant state of bemoaning his sin and repenting of it. The good news is that "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).
I think it is important though to distinguish between those who are "repentant and trying" and those who are "unrepentant and not trying at all." In my own pastoral ministry, for example, I have been happy to extend words of grace to those who have fallen into sexual sin and who seek the Lord's pardon and restoration. But those who refuse God's transforming grace will not receive it. I have written to two unrepentant (and formerly Christian) adulterers who were both dumping faithful wives in order to pursue sin, "It is important for you to understand that you are going to hell. If you died tonight, you would hear from Jesus the awful words, 'Depart from me. I never knew you.'" (See Matthew 7:23). To this day these men remain impenitent, and I fear their time is running out. I do not say (and would never say) that they are without hope. I do say, however, that they are not now in a state of grace.
Your analogy of marriage seemed to me to indicate that we should not expect Christ to remain married to us if we are unfaithful to him, and yet aren't we often unfaithful to him when other things become more important to us than God?
It all depends on what you mean by "unfaithful." That is a big enough topic to require a separate Pastor's Page, and Lord willing I'll deal with that next week.
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