September 28, 2010: Remembering Your Sin

My lovely wife asked me how I would respond to the following post from "Paige" in the True Woman blog:

What's wrong when I've confessed my sin(s) to God and asked for forgiveness over and over but still have that nagging feeling that I still need to ask for forgiveness? I have prayed and prayed about this situation and I just can't seem to get past it. Sure, I am active in my church, I read my Bible daily, and I try to make the most of every day and give God the glory. Is this Satan attacking me or is this the Holy Spirit telling me I need to do more?

It's all so confusing to me. It was the worst thing I have ever done in my life and it happened 2 years ago. I just can't seem to "feel" like I have been forgiven. How do I allow this confessed sin to get out of my heart and mind. I am truly sorry for what I did and have completely distanced myself from the one I fell into sin with. What more can I do besides pray about it.

I want a clean slate with God. I want to "feel" like I have been forgiven so I can get completely past what I did.

My response:

God bless you for feeling guilt! Jesus said, "Blessed are they that mourn" (Matthew 5:4), not, "Blessed are they that feel good about themselves." The wretched sinners of Romans 1:18-32 don't feel bad at all about their behavior, past or present - but that is because they have been handed over to it. Saints, however, feel perpetually bad about their sin and perpetually good about Christ. Thus it was and ever will be.

You say that you want to "get completely past" what you did. Don't. Don't ever get past what you did. I mean, yes, get past it in the sense that you don't go back to committing it, but don't get past it in the sense that it ceases to be a horror for you. If you do, you will be tempted to forget how merciful God was to you, how kind he was to an undeserving wretch. If you forget your sin, you will be proud. If you forget your sin, you will give God less glory.

St. Paul never got past his sins. Read 1 Timothy 1:12-17, and see how his vivid recollection of former wickedness (30 years earlier!) caused him to celebrate God's goodness and glory in the present:

12. I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. 13. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. 17. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

The biblical way to think is, "I'm a terrible sinner. Glory to God for his willingness to stoop so low to me."

I'm afraid that a completely opposite mindset is recommended in some Christian circles. For example, in Battlefield Of The Mind, servant of mammon Joyce Meyer writes,

Don't think about how terrible you were before you came to Christ. Instead, think about how you have been made the righteousness of God in Him. Remember: thoughts turn into actions. If you ever want to behave any better, you have to change your thinking first. Keep thinking about how terrible you are, and you will only act worse. Every time a negative, condemning thought comes into your mind, remind yourself that God loves you, that you have been made the righteousness of God in Christ.

There is one statement in Meyer's Bible-hating counsel above that I agree with: thoughts do indeed turn into actions. But the thoughts she recommends are completely wrong! Her counsel "Keep thinking about how terrible you are, and you will only act worse" is ridiculous. St. Paul thought he was the worst of sinners - but he became more and more perfected in the image of Christ. The tax collector in Luke 18:13-14 thought he was so terrible he didn't deserve to go to church - but he went home justified. The thief on the cross next to Jesus in Luke 23:39-43 thought he deserved execution by torture - but he went to be with the Lord.

Jesus himself commanded us to contemplate our badness. Luke 17:10: "So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'" If we are unworthy servants when we have done our duty, how much more despicable are we when we have disobeyed!

Paige, I'd advise you to let go of your goal of feeling forgiven, and just focus on the goal of doing right and pleasing Christ. It is possible you will keep feeling guilty and awful for a long time. It is also possible you will find yourself saying, "God, I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry!" much longer than you expected. That is not necessarily a bad thing. After David sinned with Bathsheba, he prayed, "Let me hear joy and gladness," and "Restore to me the joy of your salvation" (Psalm 51:8,12) - but maybe the Lord had a good reason for letting him stew in his remorse for a while. A long while.

Paige, did you know that the world's most guilty conscience produced the world's greatest hymn? I keep in my files a quote from Professor Mark McMinn about the ex slave-trading murderer John Newton: "As Newton's eyes opened more fully with each passing year, he became horrified at his sin. One of his friends later recalled that he never spent 30 minutes with Newton without hearing the former captain's remorse for trading slaves. It was always on his mind, nagging his conscience while reminding him of his utter dependence on God's forgiving grace."

Newton of course was the sinner who wrote,

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see.