October 20, 2009: What (Or Whom) Are You Ashamed Of?

F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “What people are ashamed of usually makes a good story.” I’m sure that’s true, because you can almost define a person’s character by the things that shame him. Or that don’t shame him.

Moral degenerates aren’t ashamed of anything they do. Solomon said that the adulteress “eats and wipes her mouth and says, 'I've done nothing wrong.’” (Proverbs 30:20). Jeremiah condemned his generation in similar terms, saying, “Are they ashamed of their loathsome conduct? No, they have no shame at all; they do not even know how to blush.” (Jeremiah 6:15). One indication that you have become depraved is that you can do something bad and not be embarrassed about it.

Some people are embarrassed by the wrong things. My sons went to a high school with spoiled rich kids - they told me that when a teacher suggested that students visit an Aldi’s to do an assignment on budgeting, several girls literally gasped out loud. Aldi’s? Are you kidding? What if someone saw me there? The mere appearance of poverty would plunge them into a death spiral of shame from which they would not know how to break free. I told my boys they could have piped up at that moment, “Aldi’s is where Dad buys all our food!” - and thus guaranteed themselves a safe ostracizing distance from classmates who despised the poor.

My mother always said that the person who is ashamed of being poor is the same as the person who is proud of being rich. She was right.

Speaking of mothers, I have a real hard time reconciling myself to parent shame. I don’t mean being ashamed of a parent who is a drunk or an abuser or a pervert – that shame is understandable and legitimate – I mean the embarrassment that many (especially teenagers) seem to feel over the mere fact that their parents exist and dare to occupy space. The attitude that says “Mom! You’re embarrassing me! Go over there and be invisible!” should be squashed like a bug lest we indulge our children’s temptations to violate the fifth commandment. Sometimes we just need to tell them, “Look. You will honor me - both in private when we are all by ourselves, and out in public when all the world is looking on.”

Forbidding our children to be ashamed of us despite the fact that we are desperately uncool is good training for them not to be ashamed of God. No one is less cool than God. That is why even some committed Christians are embarrassed to admit their faith publicly, or put a word for Jesus in their conversations at school or work or recreation (or on the internet). The shame of being pegged as one of those insufferable religious people is too much for some of us believers to bear. But we should get over it. Jesus said, “If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.” (Luke 9:26). Be ashamed, be very ashamed, of your sin. But don’t be ashamed of Jesus.