March 17, 2009: Anger With God

When my father passed away suddenly my mother was asked if she was angry with God, and she said no. She wasn't denying her inner feelings, or giving some pious answer for fear of being thought wicked. She was simply stating a fact. Though distraught and grief-stricken and inconsolable, she wasn't angry. Sadness is not anger.

I can't remember her words - this was 29 years ago - but I do remember the gist of her reply concerning those who thought she was "holding something back," that it would be healthier if she "let it out" and told God what she thought about what he had done to her. She explained, "Billions of women have been widowed, many tragically. Who am I to say it should never happen to me? Everyone dies. How dare I celebrate God's goodness while others suffer, but challenge him as soon as it's my turn?"

Somehow, over the years, it became "authentic" to rail against God - like when the preacher played by Robert Duvall in The Apostle shouted, "I love you Lord, I love you, but I'm mad at you!" If you type "angry with God" into a search engine you will find advice like this: "We can be completely honest toward God with our thoughts and feelings. And God is big enough to take it all. God won't punish us for being hurt and angry, even hurt and angry at God." I found a pastor graciously trying to answer a letter that read: "Back in April I got a little basset hound pup, that pup became my life, my only friend. He got sick June the fifth and died June the twelfth. Night and day I prayed and prayed believing and knowing that Christ could have saved him, but he didn't...I tried to make the death a sweet smell to the Lord, but as the hours pass I grow more and more angry. I feel horrible saying this, but I am angry at God." The pastor did not respond (nor would I, though I'd be tempted): "You jackass. Repent. Have you never contemplated other people's grief? Between April when you got your puppy and June when it passed away, do you know how many children died of starvation and cancer? Your grief over your loss is perfectly understandable; your anger is not. How is it that you were perfectly ok with God while all those children were dying, but now that your puppy is gone, you think you got a raw deal? Oh - you say you never thought of that. Well think about it, you self-absorbed wretch."

Anger with God often results from frustrated expectations - expectations we never had a right to cherish in the first place. We thought (assumed? demanded?) that our children would not die before us, that our spouses would remain faithful, that we would not succumb to degenerative disease, that God would certainly not plant some desire in our heart (say, to have children, or make homosexual love, or grow a church) and then actively frustrate it through infertility, his law, or life's contrary circumstances. In the play Amadeus, Antonio Salieri explains to a priest how he came to rage against the Almighty: "All I wanted was to sing to God. He gave me that longing - and then made me mute! Why? Tell me that. If he didn't want me to praise him with music, why implant the desire (like a lust in my body!), and then deny me the talent?"

I do not claim to be able to answer that, but I do know enough to say that anger with God is always senseless and wrong. It is senseless because, whenever I am inclined to think that God has been unfair, I always come back to the question, "Where did I get this idea of fairness? Who taught my mind to distinguish between fair and unfair?" The answer is God himself - through the means of conscience and tradition and law. In railing against him I'd be railing against the very source of the moral instinct within me that despises injustice! I'd be sawing away at the trunk of the branch I'm sitting on. Even if we think of the issue merely in organic terms, a complaint against God can only be formulated by using the brain cells he gives us, with the lungs and larynx and tongue he provides, through the air he supplies for breath. We are not independent of him. He made us and everything else. Therefore, the only thing with which we could strike at him would be a weapon that he himself placed in our hands. And he made the hands!

So anger with God seems senseless to me for philosophical reasons; it is also morally wrong for reasons articulated by John Piper: "Anger at a person always implies strong disapproval. If you are angry at me, you think I have done something I should not have done. This is why being angry at God is never right. It is wrong - always wrong – to disapprove of God for what he does and permits...We may weep over the pain. We may be angry at sin and Satan. But God does only what is right." Correct. Just as the truly Honorable must never provoke our contempt, and the truly Pure must never provoke our disdain, so also the truly Good must never call forth our wrath. It isn't right.