February 17, 2009: "Men Are Jerks!" And Other Valid Complaints And How To Deal With Them

As I fretted last week about what to say in a seminar for single parents, a friend sent me an encouraging note. He said that in the Divorce Recovery class he leads he saw two unlikely women help out a third. The two were dumped by their alcoholic husbands after more than 25 years of marriage. "Of course, they're mad and complain about a lot of things," my friend said. But when a quiet newcomer, also in her 50s - also abandoned by a drunken beast - spoke up, floundering, saying she was not certain what she should do or how she should feel, the two veterans went into action. They comforted her, assuring her that things would get better, that her emotions would stabilize, that the group would be there for her.

My friend noted, "These two 'once-complainers' now saw someone experiencing a pain similar to their own, and suddenly they're jolted out of their self-pity, and began to reach out to another."

I enjoyed hearing that. It prompted me to think that even if what I had to say at the upcoming seminar was not all that compelling or helpful, it would still be worthwhile if it could just serve to bring together people who might help each other.

It also prompted me to consider a prayer request that I think I'll recommend now to people who complain. It's this: "Lord, give me somebody to minister to." That might be better than asking the Lord to resolve whatever problem is causing the complaint. Because even if God removed the source of our trouble, all that would do is bring us back to zero. If the Lord had taken the "thorn" out of St. Paul's side (2 Corinthians 12:7-9), Paul would simply have been thornlessly normal. But his thorny aggravation (about which he complained to the Lord just three times!) became a source of great ministry.

May the Lord do the same for all those thorns of ours that he refuses to take out. If the only thing they're accomplishing now is making us complain, they're not doing their job.

King Lemuel wrote, "Give...wine to those who are in anguish" (Proverbs 31:6). I've got another idea. Give to those who are in anguish other people who are also in anguish. Maybe they'll stop groaning long enough to help out. That would be nice for everybody.