December 2, 2008: Dropping Off Your Kid In Nebraska

Outrage greeted the news that parents were abandoning their older kids at Nebraska hospitals this fall. A safe-haven policy designed for newborns actually set the age limit at 18, so instead of getting day-old babies from panicked young moms, hospitals started receiving teenage kids from parents in their 40s. Who could imagine a parent so evil? What mom or dad would just dump their kid like that?

Then we started hearing about some of the kids.

Melyssa Cowburn's 5-year-old "tried to bash in a baby's head with a hammer. Then he set the shower curtain on fire. The next day he plugged all the sinks and toilets in their apartment and flooded the place." (Chicago Tribune 11/21/08). This child was the offspring of a crack addict who had abandoned him when he was 16 months old. Melissa became his guardian and decided, "I'm going to love this little guy and it's just going to make everything better." Right. Despite Melyssa and her husband's loving efforts, the child remained a violent screaming monster who constantly got expelled from day-care programs. Melyssa tried everything - even a drug overdose to end her own life - but nothing worked. She drove him to Omaha, said good-bye, and cried herself all the way back home to Washington state.

Parents of older devils have feared, with good reason, that their sons would kill them in their sleep or rape their daughters. What would you do with such a son? I could see myself handcuffing him and throwing him in the trunk of my car and speeding westward on the I-80. I say "I could see myself" doing this because there's no reason it couldn't have happened to me, good parent though I am. Years ago a missionary friend told me, "My wife and I had three good kids and always thought that parents whose kids were out-of-control just didn't know how to raise them. Then we had our fourth...". He didn't even finish the sentence. The fourth was a candidate for a Nebraska hospital drop-off.

The Bible teaches that there is such a thing as evil you can't fix. I hope this provides some comfort - cold comfort, a "quantum of solace" - to parents of really bad kids. Scripture shows no naivete about the wickedness that can be bound up in the heart of a child. Deuteronomy 21:18-21 told ancient Israelites what to do with their chronically bad kids in a policy so fierce it makes Nebraska abandonment look like treacly indulgence:

If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.

No, I don't think we should kill bad kids. Even rabbinic tradition holds that the death sentence above was never actually carried out. (But what a powerful deterrent! Israelite parents never needed to tell their hellions that the boogey-man would get them: they could just point to the sacred scroll and say, "Listen, numb-nut. Me and the elders are going to pelt you with rocks.")

The larger point though should not be missed: some kids (like some grownups) are just bad, and the strongest measures must be taken concerning them - not necessarily for their rehabilitation (who knows if that is possible?), but simply for the protection and sanity of those around them. Such cases provide the more fortunate among us, the ones who have decent kids, with opportunities to extend the mercy of God to longsuffering parents, and judge them not, lest we be judged.