Grieving Children (October 22, 2006)

I don't know what grief counselors do. Every time there is a tragedy at a school, the news media report that grief counselors have been made available to the students. I always wonder, "What in the world do they say to the kids?"

In the film The Shadowlands, C. S. Lewis' brother Warren berates him for not talking to his stepson, Douglas, whose mother, Lewis' wife, has just died. (I don't know if the scene has any basis in fact.) As I recall the dialogue, Lewis, in grief himself, says, "I have nothing to say to him." Warren won't let him off the hook. He shouts, "TALK to him!" Lewis obeys, and stepfather and stepson meet together and cry.

On a few occasions I have been asked to speak to distraught children. Though I talk for a living - it's what I do - it seems that this particular duty is one of many that reveal my inadequacy. In discussing one hard case with a pastor friend, he said, "I wouldn't know what to say." I thought, oh no. If he doesn't know what to say (and he's really good at this), then who does? A stanza from the dark theme song of M*A*S*H came to mind:

A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
"Is it to be or not to be?"
And I replied, "Oh why ask me?"

Jesus made a point of welcoming children who were brought to him. "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Mark 10:14). I don't know what he said to them. The text says that he took them in his arms and blessed them. Maybe he did not have to say a whole lot. I wonder if in that crowd of parents there were young widows whose lives felt ruined, or single dads whose wives had become whores. Was it all joyous, or did bereaved and wounded parents turn tear-stained faces to the Lord and say, "Would you please bless my child"?

Greet and bless hurting children. It is easy to bypass or overlook them, because you don't know what to say. Even so, speak to them. It may help.