Therapists Or Friends? (April 23, 2006)

One of my favorite pieces of folk wisdom comes from Crocodile Dundee. When the Outback croc-killer's love interest tells him that a friend has sought help from a psychiatrist, he says, "I didn't know she was nuts."

"Of course she's not nuts!" she responds. "People go to a psychiatrist to talk about their problems. She just needed to unload them - you know, bring them out in the open."

Then he asks, "Hasn't she got any mates?"

That is a good question. Maybe this woman should talk to her mates (friends) - unless, horror of horrors, she just hasn't got any. Is it that she is unwilling to talk to them about painful things? Are they unwilling to listen? Are they too cruel to sympathize, or too foolish to say something helpful?

I sometimes wonder what in the world people did with their problems before wise counsel became institutionalized in the therapeutic professions. Did "people issues" remain unresolved for millennia until psychiatry came to the rescue in the mid-20th century? I doubt it. I bet people used to talk to friends more often. Nowadays, those friends are quick to say, "Get professional help." Friends have been intimidated into thinking that they are too dumb to speak wisely, and they have been tempted into delegating the responsibility to listen to those who get paid for it.

Dundee's girlfriend answered him, "You're right. I guess we could all use more mates. I suppose you don't have any shrinks at Walkabout Creek?"

"No, back there if you've got a problem you tell Wally. Then he tells everyone in town, brings it out in the open. No more problem."
Very good, very good. Wally's method is brilliant. Not all gossip is malicious - sometimes it is the kindest therapy, since the weight of a problem dissipates when it is carried on the shoulders of many. Counselors (and pastors) are bound by rules of confidentiality, which can greatly limit their effectiveness. But a chatty friend like Wally might be the best thing that ever happened to your problem. If you're
just plain nuts, then by all means go to a psychiatrist and get some Risperdal or Depakote or Zoloft to set your brain chemicals aright. But if you have ordinary troubles, I recommend finding a Wally who will cheerfully relay your "issues" to a community of caring friends. Certainly they will listen, and probably they can help.