“You Fill My Cup” (September 18, 2005)

My sister Grace held a Bible study in her home last week with about a dozen women from her church. They all had to bring a mug that meant something to them, and the theme had to do with the filling of our spiritual cups. At one point Grace (whose name, like Jacob or Nabal in the Bible, is providentially matched to her character) told each of the women present how they filled her cup.

Mary does it by talking to Lilliet, Grace's adopted Down Syndrome daughter. Grace said to Mary, "I know that Lilliet is not easy to talk to, but every Sunday at church you go up to her and greet her and ask her how her week was. That fills my cup."

Beth does it by making sure Grace is not alone on a day of grief, like Annie's birthday. Annie was Grace's other retarded adopted daughter who died a year ago of heart failure. "Beth, you visited me on Annie's birthday. That fills my cup."

Jane, Ruth and Nancy do it just by coming to church! Jane has a 6-month old and a 2-year-old, and Grace knows from experience how hard it is to get little ones ready for Sunday worship. Ruth has scoliosis and lives in constant pain, but somehow that does not keep her from church. And Nancy has been hit so hard by life's woes that it is a wonder she can stand at all. She is 23, was raised by foster parents, and has three children - the oldest of which is 4. Seven months ago Nancy's step-father-in-law murdered three people before taking his own life. Three months ago Nancy's husband also committed suicide, and so she moved back in with her foster parents. Grace said, "When you walk into church on Sunday mornings, that fills my cup."

A characteristic that I share with my sister is that I too draw spiritual sustenance from those who persevere in the Lord despite grave sorrow and setback. Like my friend Hosea (not his real name). Some time ago I emailed him the following quote from C. S. Lewis:

"The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church. He is to love her as Christ loved the Church...and give his life for her (Ephesians 5:25, emphasis original). This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is - in her own mere nature - least lovable."

What I didn't know at the time was that Hosea's own marriage was "most like a crucifixion." His wife has run up $74,000 of credit card debt, she curses him and the children with unspeakably foul and hostile language, she has threatened to kill him, she has alienated their mutual friends. And yet Hosea continues to serve the Lord, honors his vows, seeks to do what is right, has ministered frequently to me with words of wisdom and grace in the midst of my own pain. That fills my cup.

A few days ago I turned off a local Christian radio station in disgust as some idiot (forgive me) bragged about the methods he used "to make my good marriage a GREAT marriage." Yeah, right. Look, moron, how hard is it to have a great marriage when your wife is pleasant and godly and loves the Lord? You don't have anything to say to me, and you sure don't fill my cup. Hosea does.