The Number 1 Rule For Being A Good Father (June 20, 2004)

Father's Day has just passed, and I ignored it in the pulpit - just as I ignore Mother's Day, Labor Day, Independence Day, Memorial Day, etc. in all my sermons. (It's a policy.) But I'm not against Father's Day, and I want to take this opportunity to tell you the number one rule for being a good father.

It is this: Love your wife. Be faithful, gracious and affectionate toward the mother of your children. Do all you can to provide your children with the most stable home environment possible. If you can't do that, then don't tell me how much you love your kids. Loving your kids demands sacrifice, and for many men the greatest sacrifice they will ever make is that of treating their wives with constant, faithful affection - especially those wives who are evil, bitter, cruel and dishonest.

I'm fed up with hearing of men who, though they have treated their wives shamefully, are nonetheless extolled as "good fathers." Some of these men even to presume to lecture us on fatherhood! A few days ago, I heard Pastor Gordon MacDonald on WMBI's Midday Connection responding to callers' questions about how to nurture their kids. MacDonald, as some of you know, cheated on his wife and had to resign his pastorate and the presidency of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. Before the story of his adultery broke, when I was at Wheaton College, MacDonald bragged to a group of us pastors-in-training about how well he treated his wife and kids. (This was in September of ’81.) Now I see he still manages to refer favorably to his own parental example. Boy do I wish the evangelical community would tell him to shut up!

Two days ago I saw Jesse Jackson at a Southside Chicago Barbeque that celebrated fatherhood in the African-American community. How can he even show his face there, having sired a bastard himself just a few years ago?

This morning's newspapers relate sordid details from Senatorial candidate Jack Ryan's divorce proceedings. Ryan had sought to keep the records sealed "out of concern for his son." Baloney. What Ryan was trying to protect was his political career. Someone needs to tell Ryan that if he really loved his son, he would not have subjected the boy's mother to the degrading shame of sex club tours.

Let's get this straight: Men, just as your first duty to your wife is to love God, so your first duty to your children is to love your wife. Yes, I know there are extreme cases where it's impossible - I know three men who had to whisk their children away from demon wives just to protect the poor kids from abuse. But those are exceptions. The general rule is laid out in 1 Peter 3:7: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the precious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

Not only your prayers will be hindered if you are inconsiderate to your wife. Your standing as a father will be diminished too. No man gains greater stature in the eyes of worthy children than he who, year after year, treats his children's mother with respect, courtesy, affection, and unfailing love.