Long Engagements And Expensive Weddings (December 10, 2006)

Next year I'm scheduled to officiate at a wedding whose price tag is reaching upwards of $40,000.

It's no skin off my nose. In fact, I'm part of the price tag. They're flying me out and paying my expenses. That is fine by me - I'm happy to be of service.

At the same time, it gives me opportunity to collect and communicate some thoughts about why I find expensive weddings spiritually dangerous. As a minister I am obligated to warn fellow believers about the perils. Here are two:

First there is sexual danger. Christians must preserve their virginity until marriage lest they violate Hebrews 13:4: Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. I know human nature. Delaying sexual gratification can be difficult for two people who have the hots for each other. And if they have already decided to get married, and can practice birth control to avoid the shame of pregnancy at the altar, and if their premarital union would not be condemned by parents or friends or society - then what on earth, other than the fear of God, is there to stop them?

All engaged Christians must choose between postponing sexual pleasure and rebelling against God's command. What an expensive wedding does is either prolong postponement to the point of weariness or provoke defiance of God through fornication. That is because such weddings cannot happen next month. They take many months (or years!) to plan. A friend of mine who photographs weddings tells me that his services are booked far, far in advance. The same goes for the reception halls.

Would I be revealing too much about the passionate strength of my own desires to say that if, 21 years ago, someone offered me a $40,000 wedding for the price of postponing sex with my bride-to-be for 12 months, I would have laughed in his face and said, "No WAY!!! What kind of deal is that? Are you crazy?"

It may be that engaged Christian couples who put off their weddings for years until they can get the right reception hall simply have superb righteous self-control. Or maybe they have very weak sex drives. I have no problem with that. But there is a problem if they choose fornication over submission to God simply because two years is "too long to wait." If that is your temptation, then go get a license and give me a call and we'll do a shotgun wedding next week. Of course that will stun your friends and relatives, but it is better to shock them than to anger God!

A second danger of expensive weddings is simply financial. Can you afford it?

By "afford it" I mean "while maintaining your other financial obligations, including tithing 10 percent of your income to the local church." If you go into debt to finance a big wedding, then you are merely a fool. But if you pay for a big wedding while holding back your tithe, you are a villain, for you have robbed God to throw a party for yourself. Such financial sin must be unthinkable to all Christians. Weddings - despite cultural insistence that they be lavish spectacles - are not exempt from the rules of modesty and prudence that govern all Christian expenditure. The Bible insists that we give charitably and support the work of gospel proclamation. If we fail to do that, but find funds for expensive weddings (or other costly things the flesh delights in), then we dishonor God.

The Apostle Paul wrote, "Be angry, but do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26). A paraphrase of that verse captures my attitude toward $40,000 weddings: "Have an expensive wedding, but do not sin." If the price of your wedding spectacle is sexual sin or financial irresponsibility, then you must repent, and scale back to a wedding that is quicker and more affordable.