A Word For The Spiritually Discouraged (October 19, 2003)

Last week's Chicago Tribune contained an article detailing Mother Theresa's religious despair. Letters that she wrote to priests and counselors have been made public, and they reveal at times a surprisingly bleak assessment of her spiritual outlook. Some quotes:

I am told God lives in me - and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul.

I want God with all the power of my soul - and yet between us there is terrible separation. Heaven from every side is closed.

I feel just that terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me, of God not being God, of God not really existing.

I wondered what I would say if I were the priest who received these expressions of sorrow and had to write some words of comfort to so great a soul as Mother Theresa. For what it is worth, here a few thoughts.

1) You're not alone. Read again David's laments in the Psalms. Jesus himself cried out from the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" If the holy Son of God felt abandoned, why in heaven's name shouldn't you feel that way sometimes?

2) Consider the possibility that the distance you feel from God is an affliction from the devil that God permits in order to humble you. St. Paul wrote, "To keep me from becoming conceited...there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me." (2 Corinthians 12:7). Many admire you, wish they could be like you, think you are a living saint. What a diabolical temptation to pride! Who could resist that temptation without the aid of a heavy load of sorrow to keep the soul from exalting itself like Lucifer?

3) Remember that the fullness of God's presence is something that we're supposed to look forward to. If you thought you could get it here you are mistaken. Even Paul said, "Now we see through a glass darkly." (1 Corinthians 13:12). If you could experience all of God now, then what is heaven for?

4) Is it possible that you are expecting a sense of God "wanting you," or approving you as a reward for all the good things you've done? If so, laugh that thought right out the window immediately. God accepts you (whether or not you feel he does) not because you are a saint but because Jesus died for your sins.

5) Some people find perverse satisfaction in deepening despair. Beware this tendency in yourself, and do not think you are immune to it. Just as anorexics will turn away from the food that would make them healthy, so some melancholics will resist joy even when it is beating hard at the door of their hearts. When the Spirit of God alights on your soul with an occasion to rejoice, indulge the joy!

God loves you.